Birth Order (V2)

Parents' own boring order can become an issue when the dynamics in the family they are raising replicate the family in which they were raised. Agati notes common examples, such as a firstborn parent getting into "raging battles" with a firstborn child. "Both are used to getting the last word. Each has to be right. But the parent has to be the grown-up and step out of that battle," he advises. When youngest children become parents, Agati cautions that because they "may not have had high expectations placed on them, they in turn may not see their kids for their abilities." But he also notes that since youngest children tend to be more social, "the youngest parents can be helpful to their firstborn, who may have a harder time with social situations. These parents can help their eldest kids loosen up and not be so hard on themselves. Mom Susan Ritz says her own birth order didn't seem to affect her parenting until the youngest of three children, Julie, was born. Julie is nine years younger than Ritz's oldest, Joshua, mirroring the age difference between Susan and her own older brother. "I would see Joshua do to Julie what my brother did to me," she says of the taunting and teasing by a much older sibling." I had to try not to always take Julie's side."